3179-5736-0111

Gimme dem codes! <3

Hello again there Internet Peoples.

Hope you all have a good new year and such. Mine was pretty god. Oddly enough, I hung out with some of the DDR/ITG people. You wouldn't believe how mellow they are when they aren't around an arcade machine. It was pretty nice. I've never really been big into New Years though. I bet it's more exciting in bigger cities.

So far 2008 doesn't seem to be so bad. I'm planning to get my life back together this year. I don't really have a lot of resolutions, but I do plan to actually get somewhere with my life now. Hopefully some art school will happen. Don't ask where though. I don't have a plan yet. Jon graduates with his masters in May. After that I'm not sure where we're going. We hope to move back to Albuquerque, but there's a huge possibility we won't. It all depends on where Jon gets a job offer. Who knows, we could move up north some where. What? Makin' a northern woman out of this southern gal? I don't know. Time will tell.

Losing some more weight would be nice too. I think I might have gained a little over the holiday. I should have watched it more. Oh well, I can fix that and all. I tell you.. Food is my lover and my enemy all at the same time. And no, I'm not trying to turn into a health nut just to lose weight. I'm trying to get into a healthy life style so I can prevent my liver from getting cirrhosis. That's what happens if you let your fatty liver go uncontrolled. I'll work on it.

I got hired again at my old job. Money, yeah! I'm not sure when I start yet though. I thought Monday, but maybe it's different. If they don't call me tomorrow I'll give them a call.

I got a new haircut! Haven't had my hair cut since March or so! Before and after pictures? okay. ^^

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Not the best pictures, but you now.. Whatever! ^^

Also, I got a Hedgehog for Christmas from my parents. He's quite a sweety, but what a bum! He sleeps all day. And then when it's like 3 or so, he goes out of his cave and runs a marathon in hia ham ham well. What a cutie. Check 'em out!


Um.. I guess that's about it. I don't feel like proof reading. Kay, bye!

After a week of getting back into working out and eating right, I've lost TWO POUNDS!

This may not sound like much to people, but I couldn't be more ecstatic! I may actually be doing something right! Woo! And if I keep this up, by the end of the year I'll be around 142! Yes yes yes! Thanks for the support peoplez! <3

So, just things in general going on lately. My last entry was pretty down, but the more I think things through, it's not really worth my time to be down about things. When things are bad the best thing I can do is raise my head and do my best to make a bad situation good. I know, I know, I sound like such an after school special... But really, these kind of things are important to me, especially now.

So, here's just a general update about things.

The Family.
They're doing well. Recently my parents got cable internet. It's a very different thing for them. They don't quite understand it. My dad is the only one really interested though. My mother on the other hand, reacts to the internet as a vampire reacts to light. She doesn't even want to go near the computer. She's pretty damn stubborn. It's pretty funny.

My brother is doing good. Everytime I go over I bring Mario Galaxy so he can play it. He's already at 117 stars. Of course, he's beaten it once already. Only three stars to go and he'll be done with it. He really enjoys it a lot.

Jon and Jeremy.
Jon is so busy with school. I think his finals are in a couple of weeks. So he's very busy with projects and such. It's okay though because he'll be on winter break soon. The only downside to that is he is going to be working on his thesis during the break. So, he'll still be going to campus to use thei super math heavy computer. I swear, there are going to be so many oppertunities for him whenever he's graduated. He's really an amazing person.

Jeremy is busy with work lately. He works at this technical support phone place called Convergys and also has a side job as a show hand. He gets to go and help load up band equiptment at local shows here. I don't know much about all that stuff though. It's nothing I've ever personally experienced, and more than likely never will. Who knows...

Me Stuff.
Weight Loss.
Well, in my last entry I was complaining a lot about my weight. My scale told me I was around 143-145 pounds. Well, the other day I was walking around the mall and passed by a GMC store. There was a scale out front, kind of just taunting me! I wanted to check my weight out on it to see if my scale was right or not. I decided not to and just passed by it.

What if my weight was a lot more on that scale than on my scale? How would I handle that? I was scared that it was only going to make me even more depressed. Then again, I thought, maybe I'll only get more inspired to work my ass off.

I passed by it again. Curiosity ran through my body; I gave in. I did it.

It turns out I do weigh more than my scale was telling me. I weigh 151 pounds. Note, I did have my big hoodie on and my thick shoes... I don't use that as much of an excuse though. I'm just gonna round that out to 150. So my goal this month? Lose 5-10 pounds. I think I can do it. I've already started working out regularly and eating smaller portions. I don't feel a hug difference right now, but I do feel better about myself. I'm ging to stick to this goal and see it through!

I'm hoping I can get down to around 130 before my birthday in Feburary. Wish me luck!

Illness.
I feel like I'm getting better by the day. The area by my diaphragm still hurts usually though. It hurts because of my liver... Overall though, things seem to be picking up for me. Hopefully before the end of the year I will be able to work again. That would be pretty sweet.

My Singing.
As much as I was really thinking about it, I've decided not to give up on my singing. Having the natural ability to sing is something that is a blessing, and I'd be a fool if I kept it all to myself. I realized though, with my musical talent only being limited to singing, I might not get very far. So, I've decided to pick up guitar.

You might be wondering, where the hell did I get a guitar from? I don't have any money. Well, Jon's good at Guitar Hero. He's won 3 tournaments, and out of those two he has won actual guitars. One acoustic and the other electric. Maybe it's fate? Who knows!

Either way, I'm learning that right now. I'm practicing chords and such. I'm also trying to learn how to play Black Horse And A Cherry Tree. I sing that sing very well. So, once I get the song down on the guitar I can sing along too! What a good way to share my voice with the world! I think it's a good way to get my singing out there. What do you think?

I've also made my dad very happy! I come from a music/artistic family. Like lots of my family, my father also plays guitar. I told him that I was learning, and it's inspired him to also start playing again! It seems like he's pretty proud of me. Nothing is more fun than my dad playing his guitar while I sing Angel Baby. Once I learn to play better, he and I can play together! It's quite a bonding experience. I love it.

I've also inspired Jeremy to pick up his bass again. It'd be really fun to play with him in the future too! Jeremy! Let's start a band, homo! That would be so fun.

I'm not the happiest person in the world.

I'm not the saddest person in the world either.

I do know though, as much as I might complain, I love my life and the people in it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

No, not PMS. I'm just, ionno, getting down on myself a lot the past couple of days. And it's strange because it's about things I've never been down before about. Well, a couple.

Lately I am pretty down about my looks. I know since being sick I have lost a lot of weight (25 pounds), but I'm still not down to where I'm suppose to be. Right now I'm at 143-ish, I really need to get my weight down to around 130. The weight for my height is suppose to be around 120, but seriously, I have an athletic build. I'm not fat, but I am just a bigger type girl. So I add on the extra 10 pounds. Hell, if I could get down to 125 and not die, then I'd stay at that.

Working out is so hard during Winter. It's so cold and I never want to do anything. My will is pathetic. It's really pathetic because I'm getting to the point where whenever I see a thin, attractive girl other than saying "Wow, I'd hit that!" I'm more "Oh my god.. How did she get that?" And of course I know the answer to that! She did this thing called WORKING OUT. I don't know why my mind wants to make this seem like it's harder than it actually is.

To be honest though, I've never been much for my body type. I'm short with an athletic build. I don't mind being short, but I have always wanted to have just a normal slim build. You know... More girly. I think my athletic body does add a bit hint of boyish build to me. It really shouldn't bother me though. It's not like I have arms like the William sisters at all. They are big woman and still pretty alright looking.

And before any girls start saying it, no, I'm not self conscious about the way I look just because other people are thinner than me. I don't want to loose weight just because there are skinny people around me. I want to lose weight for me and my health. It was doctor's orders! I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look good as a plus either. So, just getting that out there.

Another thing I'm kind of down about lately is my singing. That's actually a first time thing to be honest. I'm usually retardedly confident about my singing. The more I think about it though, the more I'm thinking I'm going no where with it. Which really shouldn't be that big of a deal. I'm just kind of a natural (not being egotistic, promise!) so it's not like I'm really losing anything. I'm not losing any vocal training or anything like that.

I don't know... I guess it's just the more I think about it the more I see nothing really good coming from it. Well, career wise. The only thing it's good for and has ever been good for was making me happy. I'm not too sure why it's not really making me happy lately though. Maybe somewhere deep inside I want other people to appreciate my singing. How are they suppose to hear me and how are they suppose to care though?

Sometimes I've thought of my voice as a gift. I love singing to people! it's like I'm sharing a part of myself with them. Not many people that I know are even interested though. I get the feeling people close to me don't really care much either. I'm not sure if that's a feeling I'm getting or it's just my emotions running around with something that doesn't make sense.

Hey, I'm a girl. They do that ya know?

Aw fuck, I don't know. Stop being retarded, Nielle!

For now all I can do is what I've been doing. Try to focus on the positive. I'm more than sure that's one of the reasons I'm actually alive right now! And I'd prefer to be. ^^;;

Hello again you wonderful Internet you! Sorry it's been a while since we've seen each other. I've been trying to busy myself with any little thing these days. Somehow or another though I always find myself fleeing back to you to check things that just aren't important to me. Which has made me come to two realizations.

One: I really need to cut my finger nails. They're getting kinda long. Like, the kind that when you type on your keyboard it just doesn't feel right. Girls.. Am I right fellas?

And two: I hate you Internet.

Well, maybe I don't directly hate you, but I do find some things about you that are more than painful. Perhaps this is caused by my extreme loneliness. As of right now, I can't say I'm for sure.

My certain routine mostly causes me discomfort. Everyday I look at worthless things such as people complaining on video game articles, forums, and the such. I also get a healthy dose of 'Every single person on the planet is a Comedian! Like, really I'm funny!'! It's enough to make a girl go mad.

Now, I'm not claiming to be funny. Nor am I saying that I don't feel the need to complain every now and then. I mean, hell, I am making this post... But, seeing these things every day starts to wear on me. It makes me lose so much faint in the human species. And not like 'Oh god, Humans suck and are screwing up the Earth', or anything like that... It's more that humans have lost the ability to think logically and are easily taken by their emotions. Common sense is NOT COMMON.

Also, you're showing me that Humans no longer understand the concept of opinions. Everyone is right on the internet! And if you're not right like me, than you are completely inferior. Bow before me, you fagz homo!

Internet, you make me feel worthless. I check such sites as Livejournal and Myspace to see what my friends are doing. And no, not e-friends, but my actual friends. The ones who live out of town where I used to live. The ones who would appreciate a joke or conversation referring to an 80's childhood cartoon or an obscure event in the media. Hell, you'd even get to talk to them about IRL shit that mattered and didn't! The perfect yin-yang harmony...

Anyway... You make me miss the hell out of them. I sit here all day by myself wondering what I could be doing with someone instead of you! I think about just enjoying the company of such people. It's pretty annoying.

Now, that last part isn't entirely your fault. A lot of it is mine. I'm locked up in an apartment all day by myself so I'm sad, and then I think about friends and than I get even more sad. It's just the current issue that I'm going through which causes me to take this anger out on you. I'm sorry Internet. I shouldn't have gotten onto you about this one.

But then it makes me think of something else the Internet has given us. Emo. Everything is emo. If you have any emotion, you're emo. What's that little Timmy? You're grandmother just died? You miss her so much and can't stop crying? Fuck you Timmy! You're such an emo bitch!

What's that Stacy? You're having a hard time finding your true self because you've never had a parent figure to guide you through the obstacle we call life? You're so fucking retarded! Why don't you stop writing your stupid poetry about how lost you are and join the military. Hopefully you will die in a fire while weeping your fucking mascara off!!

Those examples were very accurate representations. It's just annoying to no end. I'm not saying that's what emo is, but that's pretty much how the word is used on you, Mr. Internet.

I don't feel like going into a detail on a big list of things that are as annoying about you, but I will make an easy list version!

- lolcats... Seriously, they aren't THAT funny.
- Hardcore gamers
- Serious fighting game tournament people
- Final Fantasy 7 characters... YOU KNOW.
- Furry porn and Yaoi. It burns.
- Girls on gaming sites who think they are hot. What's their qualification? I've fucked a lot of nerds.
- Having to prove that you're not a girl like that so people can take you somewhat seriously
- 'My music is better than yours!' or 'I have to explain why i like a certain music every time I bring it up so you won't judge me as harshly!'
- Video Games make you kill people
- I SpELl EvRYthnG lKe THiS! HOLLA!

Umm.. I believe that's a good list for now. I'm sorry for taking so much out on you. You are meant to do good things... But most of the time you seem like the fall of humanity to me. I just wish there was something better for me to do with my time. Besides being in the kitchen. Another joke that never gets old with you my dear Internet.

In these situations though I wonder... Is it your fault that people are idiots on the internet? Illogical people would say yes, but I can't say I feel the same. Maybe it's just that you bring out the worst in people. I'm usually the one to blame the player and not that of the game.

Maybe I addressed this to the wrong person. Oh well! See you tomorrow old pal!

Man, the weather is really cooling down. I like it. I think it's a good change around here. I don't think I'm going to be saying the same thing when it gets colder, but eh... Might as well enjoy it while it's here, huh?

Well, my uncle went through his surgery today. Everything seems to be okay so far. I think they're going to keep him in the hospital for another week or so. So that's a good thing.

I took my brother home today. Before I did though, he and I had fun playing singstar pop. That was fun. My brother can sing really well for a 9 year old. We even took a couple of photos together. I'll probably upload them later or something.

The next door neighbor came over today. She's having a lot of problems with her husband. Apparently they got in this big fight and stuff. She didn't have anyone to talk to so we invited her in. I feel pretty bad for her. She talks a lot. She also seemed a little intoxicated.

She went over this whole story of how her husband hides things from her, talked about her drug past (She's clean now though), and also got into how the people who live around us are drug dealers! Cool-- Oh wait, no it's not. Jon talked to her a lot about her problems and seemed to help her out quite a bit.

It's a little creepy though... You know... Knowing that there are drug dealers at our complex and the guy next door is violent, has an alcohol problem and has 3 assault charges on him. Yeah! Big ol' neighborhood of fun around here!

It's kind of creepy also because he knows she was over here talking. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't at his home when she talked to us. Apparently he went out to stay at his cousins house or something. I'd hope, since they are adults (I think they're around they're late 30s), they would let talking to THE NERDY KID NEIGHBORS NEXT DOOR be okay. But I don't know.

Man, I tell ya. Mexicans. Well, she's white... But you get the point. Drinking and over dramatics! I'll sure be glad when I'm that age and not into those kind of things...

Ah, Dumb Jeremy isn't home! I was hoping he would be.. Especially after hearing all the neighbors stories. Jon goes to sleep early so I'll be left by my lonesome. I'm such a paranoid person, I know!

Hopefully everything will work out okay in the end. And hopefully their relatives will stop calling Jon's phone (She asked to use it earlier).

I tell ya. Older people and drama. I don't know if I'll ever understand it.

So I'm here on my computer, Jon is asleep, Jeremy is at his computer doing school work, and my younger brother is in the living room playing Mega Man Anniversary Collection. My brother is spending the night here because my mom will be busy all tomorrow because of my Uncle's surgery.

I really haven't been feeling all that bad today. Just did the normal. You know.. watched Ghost Hunters and the Ultimate Fighter, hung out, and just all in all did the same thing I do every Wednesday with the exception of my younger brother is here.

After I gave my brother a bath I just got the worst feeling ever. I'm not sure if I'm getting a bad feeling about my Uncle's surgery or I'm just being paranoid. My stomach is hurting quite a bit right now. Lately when it hurts it's mostly because, you know, I have stomach problems, but I can't help but think that this bad feeling has something to do with it.

It's also a little creepy because my brother keeps telling me my Uncle's surgery is tomorrow (technically today now). Now, my brother is 9 years old and slightly autistic.. So sometimes when he says things he doesn't really say anything. To put it better, he talks to himself a lot and mimics things he's seen or have heard. He doesn't do this all the time, but he does it quite a bit.

It was also kind of weird because the other day my parent's told me he told my dad, "Uncle Ramon is going to die, Dad."

I can't say I'm for sure how he said it. He might of said it in a sad way, but I'm not sure. Apparently he just kind of said it all of the sudden. I haven't talked to him about it at all yet. It's just a strange thing for a child to say. Maybe he knows something we don't.

Maybe he's just saying random things. Maybe he's like some of my mom's family and can see things other people can't. I don't know. It's too soon to really know anything.

I want to stop thinking about this now. It's really hard though. :\

Hello again, internet friends. How's life treating you? Me? Eh, okay I guess. Things could be a lot worse. There is a possibility that it'll get a little worse though.

My Uncle is in the hospital right now. He has big bad heart problems. I couldn't tell you exactly what he has, because to be honest, I don't even remember. There are so many things. He's had a lot of problems his entire life. He's going to have surgery this Thursday. With this certain operation there are, in fact, quite a bit of complications that could happen after the surgery. To make a long story short, he might die.

He has to get this surgery. If he doesn't and just decides to go home he will die anyway. So, he doesn't have a whole lot of choice.

My mom is pretty much his care taker. Here's a little back story. When my grandmother was alive, my mother used to take her and my uncle to all of their doctor's appointments. Before my grandmother died, her last request to my mother was to take care of my uncle. So that's what she's continued to do after that day seven years ago.

My mom is as strong as they come, but all of this is starting to get to her. I feel really bad for her. My mom rarely cries. She has been lately though, and man, it tears me up. As much as I want to, I don't cry. I stay strong for her. I plan to take care of my brother while this surgery is happening.

I really hope my mom doesn't lose it. When my grandmother died she was always alone in her room. Always depressed. Luckily I lived at home at the time. So I just watched my brother while she was going through this time. I'm just hoping that this doesn't effect her as much. I just worry about how this will effect my dad and my little brother. I'll be there for her no matter what.

Umm.. onto things that aren't so depressing!

Still sick. Feeling better by the day though. It will be awesome to drink water again! I hope that happens soon.

I cleaned the shit out of the living room and kitchen today. I'm so bad ass!

Main Event opens next week. Yay dancing games and guitar freaks/drummania 9. That sounds like fun. I hope I get to go next week. It will probably be pretty busy though. Especially with DDR kids I don't know. Which is kinda meh meh in itself, but it's not bad. It's just that they tend to be a loud group of individuals. You know teenagers.

I've been watching a lot of 'how to' youtube dance videos lately. Isn't that funny? I like dancing a lot. Wish I could take some lessons or something. Oh well. Just random dancing when no one is here will have to do for now. Not that it's not fun though! It's very fun.

Man, studying for the SAT is hard when you've been out of school for a while. My brain just doesn't seem to work so well lately. Maybe because of no interaction. I don't know. I hope I get rid of that soon. I'm so unconfident about my smarts. I'm one of those common sense people who have terrible book smarts. :\

I actually got a few people interested in the whole art commission thing. I really wasn't expecting anyone to care. I'm glad at least a few people did. I still don't know about prices right now. I've got a lot on my mind because of family, but I'll probably have that up before the end of the week.

Still might go see Polysics. Hope I can.

Umm... I don't know what else I want to talk about. So, I guess Imma go. Bye bye. Have fun!

Well, I've been out of a job since July. I can't really get another job right now because I'm too sick to actually preform one for more than 3 hours. I got a strange idea the other day and was wondering if it would work.

Now, the question I ask you, my friends, is... Would any of you be interested in buying a piece of customized art from me?

I don't have any details yet because I'm not sure if anyone will even be interested. If you are, please send comment. If I get enough people who care I'll make another entry pertaining costs.

I draw all kinds of crap. I'm really good at drawing cute stuff too. These would make cool xmas presents too for a certain person in your life! <3

I can even draw you and your significant other into a cute anime person! Yes, it's true! Please go here to see what I can do: happygoluckygod.deviantart.com. I haven't updated it in a long while, but you can get an idea what I can do.

Man, I'm a sorry sales pitcher. Either way, you get the point! So if you're interested, please comment. I'd really really appreciate it.

Tell your friends!!